I get annoyed with the zany new years parties and resolutions. It is like people mark the new year by pretending to want to improve, but in reality nothing changes. I know that health club memberships increase in January. I wonder what the actual rate of people who use them past January is…

In the past I have subscribed to the insanity myself and have even proclaimed 2012 as the “year of the foot” and am determined to run the St. Jude Half Marathon in December 2012. And yet, throughout this Advent and no Christmas season I have not run, nor completed a workout in preparation for my (deep voice with lots of commitment) Da Da Da DA “Year of the Foot”. So, am I really committed? Or am I too like the rest of humanity, only pretending to want to be better but actually comfortable in my apathy.

A couple of years ago I was telling my spiritual director that I just needed to get through the month and then everything would be okay. Financially, time management, work load, family responsibilities, and everything else was simply overwhelming me and I needed to get this one month over with. He looked at me and said, “explain to me what changes on the 1st day of next month.” I was stumped. My job was still there with lots of work to do. My wife would still need me to care for her and our children would still need a father. My relationship with God would still need time. My house and cars would need maintenance. And the number of hours in the day did not dramatically increase with the emergence of a new month. So…what changed?

This meeting with my spiritual director set in motion a dramatic change of events never before seen in human history, or at least Bob history which is slightly less lengthy but much more enjoyable…at least to me. I changed. I changed my priorities. Ultimately it is this conversation that would lead me to resign from my part-time job as Youth Minister, re-focus my relationship with my wife and children, and place my live in proper order. The reality is everything changed the next month, and yet nothing changed.

What is funny is that I started to write this post to discuss the Catholic New Year being the 1st Sunday of Advent. Apparently, what I really wanted to write about was change. Whether you decide to set a deadline of Jan 1, or the 1st Sunday of Advent, or any other day, the important thing is not what day nor what goal but rather what change do you want.

Recently i went to a management training conference. A high level manager commented that in any personal development plan you have to “own it” for change to occur. I think many times we Christians say we want to be like Christ because that is the right thing to do. But to you really own that goal? Or is it God’s goal for you? Between the two is a great difference. God wants you to join Him for eternity in heaven. God wants you to be a holy and blameless example for others. God wants you to love as He does. But do you? Change only occurs in you if you want it.

This New Years Eve, rather than drink away the last year and celebrate the beginning of another month in which everything changes if we could just make it, let’s own the true reality of our situations and honestly desire change. I will run the half marathon in December 2012 and I want to be held accountable to it. Putting it in writing here is terrifying because I know that my friends will hold me accountable…(that is if my friends actually read this, which is unlikely since they never listen to me anyway….). At least I know my wife will…I hope.

I pray that you make resolutions/goals that keep in mind your reality. Ask God to show you how He sees you, then work toward seeing yourself in the same way. Now there is change to be aspired to. Own yourself, no one else will.

Happy New Year.

I pray you are affected by this as much as I have been. Please visit their site and read about this amazing work they are doing.

And, maybe it is time we all stood at the wall more for others.

God bless…

I was blown away yesterday by something I heard that made me instantly cry. Cry for joy, cry for how unbelievable it was, and cry over my own convictions. Many of you know that Habitat for Hope maintains 2 apartments in downtown Memphis, TN. These apartments are given free of charge to families of children receiving medical treatment in Memphis.

One of our families was moving out this past week and I went down to say goodbye, pray with them and help send them on their way. The dad asked me if I had met the neighbors before. I had seen them, waved, but have never met them. The dad told me that a mother and daughter that lived in the apartment next door. The mom is 94 and the daughter is 72. The dad said that one day he was locked out of his apartment (the doors automatically lock) and he went over to ask to use their phone. As they started talking the daughter mentioned how her mother will go over the wall between the two apartments, put her hand on the wall, and pray for the for the family and sick child next door. And pray for over an hour every night.

We have had these apartments for 5 years and she has done this faithfully every day for years! Picture in your mind…a frail elderly lady taking the time every night to pray for your sick child and family…without you ever event knowing about it.

James 5:15 15 “And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up.”

I have always been interested in the lives of the saints. Often I read about a saint, take a tidbit for application, and move on. I have enjoyed reading books about the teachings of saints, the communities they served or founded, etc.

In the case of Margaret Mary, it is different. It is like Jesus has sent her as a sage for my journey. One with wisdom and guidance to continually guide me toward Jesus. And to constantly show up when I am in need of guidance the most.

This past year has been a spiritual struggle. I began to read a book about the Saint and found her life to be amazing. I would jump up and read sections to Sarah, almost in tears because of the things she endured, the events of her life, and often by what she herself wrote or said. Not before has a saint had such an affect. Not before has a saint been so tangible or real to me. I would read about her, feeling almost as though I was the ghost of Christmas past and could sit in the room to watch her life unfold. Yet in the midst of all of this, when the book described her in prayer before Christ, I could not find myself there. I could not take part in that piece of her life. I couldn’t smell or sense it.

The devotion to the Sacred Heart requires a great sacrifice on the part of the person. The fire in the Sacred Heart calls us to perfection, that of purgatory. The saint’s own life is one of a constant purge of self. I am no good at the purge of self. I tend to like me. No, I really like me, and am pretty attached to me. Are you getting the point of me here?

Another part of this devotion is the crown of thorns. O to be a King, one of riches and power; and a complete lacking of this devotion if that be the case. The crown of thorns is one of disgrace and denial by the world. The saint experienced this over and over, being hated by her own sisters until St. Claude affirmed her devotion in his homilies and writings. Not until his death was she truly accepted in her order.

And then there is the piercing of the lance. A heart so loved, pierced by man’s sin and disobedience of God. A meek heart, disgraced by our unwillingness to stand up for our faith in the Eucharist, or our ignorance of the Mass and worship of Him.

While reading her life I desired this devotion more so than I’ve desired anything spiritually aside from the Eucharist. I remember the months leading to my Confirmation and First Eucharist I became so hungry for His love and mercy that it was alive and real. Supernatural.

At the time all of this was welling up inside me, Satan too was planning his attack. You see, a soul cannot hunger for God without the devil hungering for the soul. And being a cunning adversary, he knew when and where to strike. Rather than tempt me to sins he knew I would never allow he attacked subtly. Focusing on the one thing that has plagued the Christian Church and the one thing I disliked most about American Christians. Mediocrity.

Mediocrity is to me, the same as rationalization. I’m good enough, can’t God accept me for who I am. These small sins aren’t that big of a deal, there are people way worse than me. Look at me, I’m a good guy. We even have Churches in the US designed to “take you as you are”.

For months I struggled. My “ardent desire” waffled. My supernatural hope reduced to human hope, failing me slowly but surely.

And then, Jesus and the saint had enough. A few weeks ago a friend came to my house and returned the book on her life to me, reminding me about her, as though through a fog I could see her life calling me forward. Then in the last few days another friend sent me this article http://wau.org/resources/article/re_three_streams_one_love. Yet another encounter with St. Margaret Mary.

Though these simple yet direct encounters, and again picking up the book about her life, I’m now gaining speed; doing some things differently. Mediocrity is the lie. After multiple plays I have white boarded a defense, no an offense to beat Satan’s play (insert great quote about MI having a new coach here). Spring training is over.

Right now in our home we have placed on our mantle a relic of St. Margaret Mary. Dust from her coffin. History tells us that in 1830 when her tomb was opened upon Pope Leo XII pronouncing her Venerable, two instantaneous cures took place. The dust from her coffin having touched those that were healed.

Tonight I begin praying for the intercession of St. Margaret Mary that I am healed of the disease of mediocrity.

Today I begin again praying daily the Novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

Last week I began a fight to work on the first two Necessary Dispositions for the Devotion to the Sacred Heart. A great horror of sin, and an ardent desire for Jesus Christ.

And I no longer fear the fire. Nor the crown. Nor the piercing. Because the light out shines all, and the darkness cannot overcome it.

I pray you find the courage to overcome mediocrity in your life. It is a lie, and it is too often overlooked by too many, including me. The front lines of this war are every day. The weapon is our own heart, overcome in love by His Sacred Heart.

Sr. Margaret Mary Alacoque, pray for us.

Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in thee.

Here is more about her if you are interested.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marguerite_Marie_Alacoque
http://www.sanctuaires-paray.com/spip.php?article316

And more on the Sacred Heart of Jesus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacred_Heart_of_Jesus

I have previously written about Pilate’s questioning of Christ in John 18 (Que Est Veritas). My point in that post was that as a people, we are not very good at seeking the Truth. Since this post is about Truth, I’m calling it part 2.

I recently learned that the Japanese language has two words for truth in the context of society. They are Honne and Tatemae.

Honne is the underlying truth, what is real. Often this is hidden from the world or public.

Tatemae is the outward appearance, what we can see.

Tatemae is not always consistent with Honne.

I’ve reflected on this for the past few days. I once heard that achieving Zen is simply matching our insides with our outsides. I think of the movie 28 Days in which Sandra Bullock plays an alcoholic. She is taken to a farm and given the task of lifting a horse’s hind hoof off the ground. The horse is strong and cannot be forced, despite her attempts. Only when she matches her inside with her outside can she accomplish it. The last scene of the movie has her lifting the hoof of a police horse after finding her true self.

How many of us acknowledge that what is inside of us isn’t always pretty? And are willing to show it off anyway? In my life I have struggled with many sins which are well documented in the posts of this blog. And even today, I struggle. Everyday I strive to become more like Christ despite my significant shortcomings. He calls us to do this. Believing in Him obligates us to this.

I struggle significantly with mainstream Christianity in the United States and abroad. I see many attempting to live perfection without trying to achieve it. I also think this is why many Christians believe their sin only affects themselves, rather than the whole Body of Christ. It seems as though the Christian Tatemae is a mask for impurity, brokenness, and shame. Only Christian rock stars and preachers are to display their past shame as a method of conversion. And once they believed in Christ everything was fixed…right?

The Honne is very different isn’t it? How many preachers have fallen due to impurity? How many “good” marriages fail? Simply look at the divorce rate for Christians of 51% which is exactly the same as the national divorce rate of…yes 51% How many leaders’ careers and ministries shattered when the truth about their lives are known? One has only to look at Representative Anthony Weiner for an example. I could write an entire book on the topic of Honne and Tatemae in relation to pornography and impurity.

Rather in this post I want to ask a different question. Does our Honne match our Tatemae? Are we living proof of Truth? Or do we hide a lie deep inside?

Jesus Christ came for the broken, not the proud.
Jesus Christ called sinners, not the perfect.
Jesus Christ died for the poor in spirit, not the rich.

Which God do you worship? The one who is happy with who you are and doesn’t want you to change, because who you appear to be is already good enough? The “Come as you are God”?

Or do you worship Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, who came to raise you to a new life. A life of Grace. A life filled with Him. A life in which our souls are purified daily by His blood. That’s the God I desire to worship with you. This is Our God.

Lately I’ve heard twice the quote ‘God accepts you for who you are but loves you too much to leave you there.’

Tonight as you pray, ask God to show you who you really are. And tomorrow wake and show that person to the world. That’s who we want to see. That’s who you were created to be. That’s the one who will change the world simply by being loved by Him.

God bless you.

Reading her life has been an unbelievable experience. Her life has been almost painful for me to read because she displays constantly two traits of which I struggle. Humility and obedience. In her life she sought to be cast out from society, undesired, and forgotten. She also sought for complete submission to Jesus Christ and to her superiors.

One small example: She was completing a penance, some sort of prayers, and she was liking the prayers. She thought perhaps she might continue the practice. As she ponders this Jesus says to her, “What you have just done was for me, what you are about to do is for the Devil.”

Are you kidding me!!!!

Jesus tells her that he desires 1 act of obedience more than anything chosen of her own desires.

I think it bears repeating… Are you kidding me!!!!

She died in 1690, and when the opened her tomb two miracle healings occurred immediately. They also discovered she was incorruptible. Her body is on display in the church where the apparitions of Jesus revealing His Sacred Heart to her took place.

After reading her life I have come to a conclusion.

I suck at obedience. I’m the last to obey. This has been an asset in times of trouble when some not so great friends have attempted to direct me to things that would prove disastrous. However, this has caused me great troubles in spirituality at times. Particularly in relationship with Our Lady. The more I submit to Christ, the more I understand and desire a relationship with Mary; since she has one desire only, that of leading me to her Son, how can we resist her guidance?

The truth is that in order to be fully in communion with Our Lord we must be obedient to a few things. I need to point out that these are purely my opine and not some Church teaching I found.

First we need to be obedient to the Will of God for our lives. This is our Vocation, what we were created to become. It is the Macro experience of God in our lives. Only in honoring this reality of our created identity will we fully know the joy we have in Christ. If we are living a lie then there can be no Truth.

Second, we need to be obedient to the Spirit daily. This is the micro experience of God in our lives. Everyday we are presented with opportunities for Grace. We must respond to these opportunities and soak up His Grace as much as possible. The more we respond, the more we can receive, the more like Him we become.

Third, we need to be obedient to those Christ puts in our path to form us. We are the Church. We are His people. He works through and in us. If we believe that we are called to do God’s work and form others, then we must also accept that others are called to the same in forming us. I have, I think, failed to capitalize on this like I should. Often I am looking for opportunities to share faith and to form others. Have I missed opportunities where I should have been listening more than talking? Have I written someone else off, when I should have heeded their message for profit in the Spirit?

Funny how I have noticed this deficiency in others at times, and pointed it out occasionally; yet it took reading about a saint in the late 1600’s for me to get it about myself.

I have committed to being more obedient to the three items listed above, with particular attention to my greatest fault… listening to others sent by God to form me. This is, and can be, my wife, my children, spiritual director, close friends, others in leadership, etc.

I made this commitment in my professional life about 4 years ago and it has transformed my career from questionable to exciting and fulfilling. I can only imagine if the change to such a mortal element was this drastic, what is in store for me with the supernatural element?

If you too struggle with submitting yourself to the spiritual authority of those around you, as they are sent by God to guide you, I suggest you pray the Rosary. Particularly the Sorrowful Mysteries… The Visitation and the Presentation have been key in helping me discover what God is teaching me through this Saint.

That’s it, not big close on this post. No big message; just a simple encouragement to listen to others more. The Body of Christ is alive in His Spirit and we are all a part.